as i sit here breathing in and out...helping caine with his homework...he is having a ruff time in school right now...as expected ...but no excuse....i know i have let the things effect my attitude....but really how well are women supposed to "get thru" these kinds of things... the only answer i can give is..well im doin as well as I can do... and yes i know there are always ways i can or could improve on things...i've been in a VERY blue boat the last 3 weeks...and i know why...but i will not go into that on here...that is only for my heart and god ...sorry....and that's the truth ...what's in my heart to do what im doin...and people may and may not understand why or for what purpose..but there has to be a purpose... i know i feel like im rambling ...but ehhh oh well it's my blog and i can ramble if i wanna :-) ...i do apologize though...let me quote something it's always fun to use quotes...well scripture is even better!!! lol
Philippians 4:6-9.... that one is i think apropriate for the timing....for me at least ...and now we just got done with caine's homework...it's 7:34...ugh...i so wish things could be different for him....he derserves so much more...poor kid...he's got such a good heart ...it's soooo aggrivating to see him struggling the way he does...i pray for god to give me the strength and knowledge as his mother to teach him to know god.. and to understand what it really means to pray and not be selfish...i know i'am learning in some ways right along with him... it's very odd to realize you thought you knew things and to find out you were soooo way off it's not even funny... haha ok well i guess what i'm sayin (in circles) is i just think in order for me to spread gods word is to first know gods word... and that goes for caine as well ...yeah...:-) ok sooo im off ...
Krystal
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
so much stuff...lol
ok well to be honest i really dont know exactly what to blog about ...just that im still lookin for a job ...IM IN DIRE NEED OF A JOB...my money is running out! but that's really beside the point... i'm alive..and im grateful for that... just am..:-) i just got done reading Ephesians.. and Jude...both very eye opening books... i think god has already shown me in ways of the kind of people that he warned us about in jude...and well ephesians..well it just lays it out! it really is black and white...there is no grey area...he say's what he says and he means when he says...period...i've nicknamed what people i feel are doin these days to "get away" with living a immoral life... "PAPERCLIPPING" people are paper clipping the bible...i mean think about it..there are things in the bible that he say's "DO NOT DO" eph. 4:25-32 says So stop telling lies. let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And dont sin by letting anger control you. Dont let the sun go down while you are still angry. for anger gives a foothold to the devil.
If you are a thief quit stealing. Instead use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Dont use foul or abusive language. let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to god's holy spirit by the way you live. remember he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander as well as all types of evil behavior. instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as god through christ has forgiven you.
Ok so there you have it.. now read it again...i'll wait.....
well i know as you do that we are all sinners and we will do all these things it IS OUR nature..no excuse but still...but it also says and this is only and just my opinion..but he also says to fight our natural instincts and serve him..right? stand up in our faith and have no fear....well then i really just dont understand how some people can say all these things about god and "oh he loves me even though i do these things.." and " well god would want me to be happy right..well im not happy with my husband so im goin to leave him..."
and even the preachers and pastor's who are allowing people in their church and sayin oh yes god will love you it's ok... well it's not ok ...i mean it says it right there in the bible...so do they "paperclip" the parts where it says these things not to do....they have to know it's wrong...right? i mean wrrrrooong ...right right ?
these are all just thoughts i've had for a while..i guess just still trying to understand things...
ok so i know im not perfect...but i dunno maybe im being realistic...and i dont know if that's a bad thing or a good thing.... i guess maybe im taking what it says in the bible well taking it for what it says... and just that...
and yes i definelty understand what god says in jude about the people can "shipwreck" you ...there where little red warning signs goin off when about 2 years ago i came to know two people and yeah at the time i didnt see the red warning signs or sirens or bells on their toes..... but golly do i see them and hear them now!
but you have to live and learn right?
so i guess that's my spill for the nite...not sure when i'll be back on here it's spring break and im tryin to heal a sick puppy...he just almost has pneumonia...UGHH! is that the pits or what... my poor baby... i hate it when he's sick... you ALWAYS know when your kids realllllllly dont feel good...and i do i hate it... but he is getting better thank you lord ...thank you...
anyways im just tryin to do the best i can right now... there really are so many things that iam fighting...so many worldly evil things...i'am doin better on certain things though....one step at a time i keep telling myself...but i do feel more pain...but in different stages i guess...i mean i realllly am starting to miss things... and the other day..thursday i believe it was ..caine told me that he was starting to get homesick... and he hasnt even got to play with marley...i melted inside...and then i got ANGRY AND BITTER AND MAD...and so i got my pen and paper and just started writing ...different things mostly just feelings and emotions... one that i realized a reallllly havent even began to deal with yet... so that was kinda unselttling ....i've found myself tryin to be soooo focused and for the most part iam but yet sooooo far away it feels... it honestly does not feel right here... i know we are here for a reason...but i feel like im in such a place that im afraid to "get used to it" because then i'll forget where i feel i belong... *shakes head* ok so yes i know... people may say you gotta move on....but well i just cant yet.... i would so love a job right now....so maybe it would ease my mind ..and occupy it somewhere's else ya know.... ok ok whew
nite
jude 2 :20-21...
Krystal
If you are a thief quit stealing. Instead use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Dont use foul or abusive language. let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to god's holy spirit by the way you live. remember he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander as well as all types of evil behavior. instead be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as god through christ has forgiven you.
Ok so there you have it.. now read it again...i'll wait.....
well i know as you do that we are all sinners and we will do all these things it IS OUR nature..no excuse but still...but it also says and this is only and just my opinion..but he also says to fight our natural instincts and serve him..right? stand up in our faith and have no fear....well then i really just dont understand how some people can say all these things about god and "oh he loves me even though i do these things.." and " well god would want me to be happy right..well im not happy with my husband so im goin to leave him..."
and even the preachers and pastor's who are allowing people in their church and sayin oh yes god will love you it's ok... well it's not ok ...i mean it says it right there in the bible...so do they "paperclip" the parts where it says these things not to do....they have to know it's wrong...right? i mean wrrrrooong ...right right ?
these are all just thoughts i've had for a while..i guess just still trying to understand things...
ok so i know im not perfect...but i dunno maybe im being realistic...and i dont know if that's a bad thing or a good thing.... i guess maybe im taking what it says in the bible well taking it for what it says... and just that...
and yes i definelty understand what god says in jude about the people can "shipwreck" you ...there where little red warning signs goin off when about 2 years ago i came to know two people and yeah at the time i didnt see the red warning signs or sirens or bells on their toes..... but golly do i see them and hear them now!
but you have to live and learn right?
so i guess that's my spill for the nite...not sure when i'll be back on here it's spring break and im tryin to heal a sick puppy...he just almost has pneumonia...UGHH! is that the pits or what... my poor baby... i hate it when he's sick... you ALWAYS know when your kids realllllllly dont feel good...and i do i hate it... but he is getting better thank you lord ...thank you...
anyways im just tryin to do the best i can right now... there really are so many things that iam fighting...so many worldly evil things...i'am doin better on certain things though....one step at a time i keep telling myself...but i do feel more pain...but in different stages i guess...i mean i realllly am starting to miss things... and the other day..thursday i believe it was ..caine told me that he was starting to get homesick... and he hasnt even got to play with marley...i melted inside...and then i got ANGRY AND BITTER AND MAD...and so i got my pen and paper and just started writing ...different things mostly just feelings and emotions... one that i realized a reallllly havent even began to deal with yet... so that was kinda unselttling ....i've found myself tryin to be soooo focused and for the most part iam but yet sooooo far away it feels... it honestly does not feel right here... i know we are here for a reason...but i feel like im in such a place that im afraid to "get used to it" because then i'll forget where i feel i belong... *shakes head* ok so yes i know... people may say you gotta move on....but well i just cant yet.... i would so love a job right now....so maybe it would ease my mind ..and occupy it somewhere's else ya know.... ok ok whew
nite
jude 2 :20-21...
Krystal
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
caine 10 and older
well i guess it shows u how focused i'am ...caine's birthday was on feb 15th..we had to move the weekend after his birthday....so i guess you could say my mind was a lot on the occupied side...which i could let make me really mad and bitter ....but im chosing not to... i do have to say that this year has already been pretty hard on caine...he thought we would have a "birthday party" for him and ....well we didnt get to ...and the look on his face and the sound of his voice... was just heartbreaking... bless him...he deserves better..sooo much better... he has been really good thru all this though... of course the typical arguing and what not...tryin to get that under control...being a mom is by far *the most* challenging job i've ever had... but i've learned so much about myself i cant even find the words...to describe the way i look at the world...and people for that matter...lol as i sit here im listening to caine in his room laughing hysterically at the world's funniest people videos show...it's his fav... and just laughs and laughs... :-) makes me laugh just listening to him... n e ways i just hope and pray that i can give him all the things that he needs....that god intends for him to have...which is my job to give... i just pray with all my heart and soul that i listen to god's teaching and word and live by him ...i pray that my ears be open to his sound ... and still and calm....make me strong lord...make me strong..
till next time
GOODNITE!
till next time
GOODNITE!
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